she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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