we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
