His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
