Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Dignity is for republicans.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
