Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
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