I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
