You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Rumble strips road head = magical
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
