Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
