She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
