I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
