i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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