Kiss
Puke
I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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