he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
