Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
