no, he came in my armpit
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Maybe he injected his testicle?
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
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