if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Is it because I queefed?
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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