the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
only if we run a train.
done.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
