i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
