What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
oh god the rape fog is back!
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
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