can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
