and next time when you feel me up, do it right
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
