My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
