thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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