Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
