I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize