dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Randomize
