you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
When did angry sex become our thing?
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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