We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
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