so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
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