Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
