Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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