I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
