apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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