I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
