the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
