he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
