I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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