Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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