I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
