Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Randomize
