just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
