I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Randomize
