maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
