I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
