Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
