Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
