i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
