shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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