would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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