I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
