Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
My pussy is not your playground.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
