he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
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