He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
We talked him into tasing himself.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
