I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
