just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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