Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
