I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
