just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
