I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
