Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Randomize
