My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Randomize
