There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize
