im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
