Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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