Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Randomize
