So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize
