i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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