morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
