Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
