Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
meet me or not, i'm out of control
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Randomize
