Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
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