i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
