i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
