i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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