i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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