My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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