WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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