Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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