So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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