dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
you didnt know i had herpes?
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Randomize
