I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
My feet surprised me
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