Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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