i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
