Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Randomize
