Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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