she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
