Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
