What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
