That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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