I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
