Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
