"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
sex in a hospital.. check
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Randomize
