So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Randomize
