can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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