Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
