sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Randomize
