I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
