mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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