I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Randomize
