Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
