i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
